Robertho

     Life hasn't been all that rosy lately. There are certainly reasons these days that cause me to feel depressed. But that's not all life has given me. I also find reasons to smile. I'm so grateful for my placement at SeMaTo. Keeping busy all day with the kids is a lifesaver. Time with the kids usually means my brain doesn't have the room to wonder. 

     There is one special student who has really stolen my heart. Without a doubt, the days I get to see him are brighter. His name is Robertho and he's 7 years old. He is hearing, but goes to the Deaf school because he's Autistic and non verbal. Shortly before I had to leave for second retreat, he

 discovered that he loved me, and clung to me all the time. While I was gone on second retreat, I would get messages saying that Robertho was looking for me. The other teachers have started calling him my son. The fact that we have a special bond is clear to anyone who sees us.

     When I arrived back at SeMaTo after my dad's funeral, it was hard. It wasn't as easy as I hoped it would be. I wasn't in the house and surrounded by his things, but the loss still followed me. His memory, and the fact that he was no longer with us, followed me. Funny how life works. Everyone welcomed me back to SeMaTo with smiles and appreciation. Although it was hard, it felt good to be back. And one person in particular made me feel even better. You guessed it, Robertho! As I mentioned earlier, he is Autistic. So the thing about Robertho is that you are going to know exactly how he feels. He doesn't have the ability to hide his emotions or to “fake it”, what you see is what you get. And what I saw upon my arrival was one happy boy! It was crystal clear that he was excited that I was back. He smiled and hugged me, and wouldn't leave my side. And I knew this was a real emotion for him. He was excited, and that made me happy! My ears were so happy to hear his infectious laugh again.

     Not much has changed since my first day back. Every morning when he gets to school (usually late, so we are already in the church) he comes in, searches for me, lets out a giggle and runs over to sit by me. In the church the girls sit on one side and the boys on the other, except for Robertho. If I'm there, he's right next to me if not sitting on my lap. So even though I'm usually sitting there pretty tired and thinking about my bed, my morning is made when Robertho bursts through the door.
     I don't want it to sound like I don't have a good time with the other students, because I do. One of our new favorite activities is taking a million Snapchat pictures. They love the filters, and it's fantastic to see them all laughing and having a good time. I will certainly cherish those memories. I can't deny the fact though that I've worked with children with special needs for the past 10 years for a reason. I definitely have a soft spot in my heart for those students.

     I can say without a doubt that Robertho is one of my favorite humans. He has made my return to Madagascar have more meaning. And without him even knowing it, he has helped me daily to get out of bed, and remember what it's like to smile and enjoy the little moments. However, he is now going to make leaving Madagascar so much harder. I can not believe that I only have 6 weeks left at my site. How crazy that seems! I will be sad to say my good-byes. I have met some amazing people here, especially at SeMaTo. Social media gives me some reassurance in that area though. Although it's not the same as seeing people every day, Facebook will allow us to stay in contact at least. I'm sure I will still get emotional while saying “good bye” though. The connections made have been great, and the relationship will not be the same through a screen 10,000 miles away. One good-bye that I know will break my heart though, is leaving Robertho. He will not understand that I'm not coming back. Every other time I have left, I have returned. I will not be able to make him understand that my time here has come to an end. Thinking of him looking for me, makes me incredibly sad. But I am grateful for our bond nonetheless. So for now, I will cherish every moment I have with him and the other students. I will try my best to be present and enjoy the time I have left, not in my room alone, but outside with the kids. Smiling, laughing, and remembering why I came here in the first place.