“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.” – Paulo Coelho
I took this photo this evening, 10-22-17 after English service at Lovasoa.
Wait a minute, in my last post I was saying goodbye to this place. Let me back up a bit...
There is currently a plague outbreak in Madagascar. I've been told by a doctor, that there are cases of the Plague every year here. This is currently an "outbreak" because there are more cases now than there were last year. If you are following the news, you might know that Toamasina or Tamatave (my placement) is being hit hard. For safety precautions I was moved temporarily to Antsirabe (where I stayed my first month). I spent about a week and a half here. Tomorrow I will leave and head to Pastor Kirsten's house and on Wednesday, all 11 of us will travel to South Africa. This is a precautionary measure. Myself, the 9 other volunteers and our Coordinator are all SAFE. I believe 110% that I am completely safe here in Madagascar. For starters, I am already on a medicine to prevent Malaria, which is one of the medications prescribed to suspected Plague patients. Secondly, we are all fortunate enough to have access to medical care if something were to arise. Which is not the reality for many who live here.
Here is part of the message that the ELCA sent out: "We are planning to stay in South Africa for 3 weeks. During which time we will do the business, fun and processing of our first retreat that originally we had planned for the end of November. We also believe that in three weeks time we should have sufficient information about the Plague and it’s various impacts on Madagascar. ... Please be assured that this is precautionary and in no way suggests eminent danger or threat. We take seriously your health and well-being. This is the right move and decision at this time."
If you know me well, you know these two things to be true 1. I was SO excited to come to Madagascar and work at a Deaf school. 2. I hate change.
Having to leave my new home of SeMaTo in Toamasina was heart breaking. Truth is, I cried upon receiving this news. Especially since I was warned that my exact return date was unknown. I had only spent 11 short days at my placement. However, in those 11 days, I became a part of a new family. A family which I deeply love already. I made friends, and had already learned so many new things! I did not want to leave the comfort of my new home.
Although I was comforted in the fact that I was going somewhere familiar. I knew people here. Also, Megan, a fellow volunteer was already here waiting for me. I have to admit, being back here has not been all terrible. I saw my teachers, who greeted me with huge smiles. I made new friends, and had a lot of fun with Megan. I made tortillas from scratch, and used a can of beans as a rolling pin. It was definitely an experience, and the tortillas turned out great by the way! I helped out in English classes. I had an opportunity to judge an English speaking competition and saw 13 amazing speeches given by young adults here in Antsirabe. We went out to eat and watched Netflix (now having access to Wi-Fi) to unwind from our current reality. It was not all bad. So, it turns out I was able to make it through that change.
Now, I am facing another change in plans. Once again, I was emotional and angry upon hearing the news that we were evacuating (I hate that word) to South Africa. This was the opposite of what I wanted to happen. I wanted my coordinator and people in charge to be getting positive news regarding the Plague so that I could return to my home. However, I was told I was going farther away and it will be at least another 3 weeks before I am allowed to return. The whole time that I have been in Plague limbo, I thought this would be my worst fear. Leaving the country. That would be a big change, and see number 2 above.... I just wanted to go to my home in Toamasina. Alas, this was not my decision to make and although it was not the news I wanted, I have to believe the people above me are making the decisions they see fit.
However, this does not change the fact that I do not like change. I do not like it when my plans are not what I thought they would be. This is not what my YAGM year was supposed to look like, I kept telling myself. I was so angry. I was so sad. How can I possibly leave my new home so quickly? Yes, I realize 3 weeks doesn't sound like that long. But taking 3 weeks away from my 8.5 months left felt like robbery. I let these feelings fester for 2-3 days which felt like at least a week. I realized I could not go on like that. I had to start thinking of the positives of my new reality. Being angry, and disappointed was not going to get me anywhere. In fact, it was taking me to a very negative space, and I didn't like it.
I read a fellow Madagascar volunteer's blog post yesterday in which she talked about her plan VS. God's plan. And how God was now taking her on a new journey. "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." right? I think everyone has heard that one. As I started to work on pushing the anger and sadness to the side, I had some other realizations. "A new journey" she wrote. Wasn't I just in the states desperate for a new journey, a new adventure? I was so eager to get out and see a new place in this vast world. Well, I made it to Madagascar! Although I still have a lot more to see here, I am now getting an opportunity to see yet another place. This should be a positive for a person like myself who wants to go everywhere and see everything. So I let this sink in... A positive in the change that I thought was so negative?
Although as I have said before, this is not how I had envisioned my YAGM year starting, it has in fact started. A fellow YAGM helped me to realize my year is not on hold. The fact that things are not going according to plan, means nothing. I am still in another country, experiencing new things. I am still having my YAGM year. In fact, I might be having an even more meaningful YAGM year because of all this. After all, isn't this a year of learning? Not only are we learning new cultures, customs,and languages, but we are learning about life. Unfortunately, or fortunately, life is not a perfect plan. Things don't always happen as you envision and part of this year is learning how to cope, accept and deal with life and all that it brings. What a fantastic opportunity to grow! When I first got this news I didn't know what to do. I felt as though my usual coping mechanisms weren't a possibility. I couldn't take the kayak out and escape for awhile. I couldn't hop in my car and go to my cousin's or hang with friends. I felt a little lost. However, here I stand. I survived, and am learning to shift my thinking. Things don't always go as you envisioned them, and it's OK. I also think it's acceptable to mourn the lost path. However, when you take the time to breath, and process, a new path will show up and life will continue. And you will in fact, be OK.
I have to admit, I'm still working on this way of thinking but I know it to be true.
Other fun positives to come for this change of plans:
* I will get to spend time with the Madagas'gals. I sure have missed them!
* The access to a washing machine!
* New food to experience. (Also we might have done some research and found out they have Mexican restaurants there. So fingers crossed that's on the menu one day!) :)
* The possibility of swimming was brought up.
* I'll be surrounded by new scenery. New plant-life, and hopefully new animals (come on safari!!)
*And hello, I'll be able to say I was in South Africa!!
So, cheer up buttercup..... All things are not lost. Just like leaving to come here, things will not be terrible. There will be positives. I will continue to miss my host family like crazy, but I will return to them and I will carry them in my heart. My year is not lost, or on hold. My year is bigger than I even imagined it would be!
This just so happens to be part of my adventure, and I will embrace it.
I had to lead devotions a few time during in country orientation. There was one passage that just truly spoke to me, So I'll leave you with that.
Isaiah 41: 9-10
"you whom I took from the ends of the earth,
and called from its farthest corners,
saying to you, “You are my servant,
I have chosen you and not cast you off”;
do not fear, for I am with you,
do not be afraid, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."
These words hold truth whether I am in Madagascar or South Africa.
I have been chosen, and I do not need to be afraid because God WILL strengthen me.
